Is it just me, or is each year getting busier? The children have after-school activities each day of the week, work deadlines seem closer together and the household chores are simply never-ending. I am feeling a bit sheepish admitting this, but I have hardly spent any time on the farm these past few months.
I love feeding calves and even enjoy scrubbing down the parlour and sanitising equipment. Lately, visitors to the farm have commented on how soothing it is to help feed the calves. While these people are far removed from the stressful realities of farming, they are also correct: when the calves are feeding away, their tails happily wagging, you feel like everything is right in the world.
So, I have missed out on the farming this year, so far. That’s probably why my husband raised his eyebrows recently when I told him I’d be attending a women’s farm walk. While I could live with the raised eyebrows, his actual response sent me over the edge.
“Do you think they might teach you how to milk a cow on this farm walk?”
Now, he said it jokingly. But the words fell flat, and as soon they were out of his mouth, he knew he was in trouble. This was two weeks ago, and he’s since been… ahem… sent out to pasture.
I will never understand this notion of “you’re only a real farmer if you do x or y”. Who decides which farm jobs are most “farmer-worthy”? Unlike many farming women, I do not and have not milked our cows. I’m short and my face is the perfect height for kicking, but I wouldn’t even mind that bit. The actual reason I don’t milk the cows? No one has ever taken the time to teach me.
With my line of work (in my off-farm job), I learned very early on that if I am in charge of training a new employee and I don’t teach them exactly how to do something, it is my fault when they make a mistake. If you think someone should “just know” how to do something, you are assuming too much.
My husband still works very closely with his father, but he often complains that our children and myself don’t help out enough. First of all, this is not true. We stand in gaps, help during TB tests, feed calves and wrangle stray animals all the time… when we’re asked.
I don’t want the kids on the farm when I’m not there. It’s not that I don’t trust their father, but when he says he wants them to spend more time on the farm, I suspect he is telling a big, fat lie. He does not actually want their help. He wants to walk the fields in peace and put in his earbuds and listen to his favourite podcasts while he milks.
My husband still works very closely with his father, but he often complains that our children and myself don’t help out enough
So, when he makes comments like “you should learn how to milk the cows”, I do believe he wants me to know how to do it for those times when he can’t. But he also doesn’t want to disrupt his alone time to teach me.
You could say, “just go down there and insert yourself in the milking parlour” and while I take on that advice, I also feel like I’m not really wanted or needed down there. By “they”, I mostly mean my father-in-law. I love him, but I think he’d rather I stayed in making dinners than farming. He is technically retired, but he is still there every day. It’s his life’s work and I would rather let him enjoy his retirement than get in his way.
So farmers; please take note. If you want your partner to help you out on the farm, lose the snide comments and put your money where your mouth is. Train them up, especially if they don’t come from a farming background.
Just because I’m not milking cows five nights a week doesn’t mean I’m not contributing. I’m not just carting the children around – I am carting around the farm correspondence. I’m picking up essentials at the co-op. I am keeping everyone fed, clothed, clean and happy. I’m growing vegetables and planting trees. And I am doing other farm jobs on top of these. Do not assume I am “not farming”.
When my dear aul’ husband figures this out, he can come in from the calf shed.
Read more
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‘Over the years, I have unwittingly formed a girl gang in my own home'
Is it just me, or is each year getting busier? The children have after-school activities each day of the week, work deadlines seem closer together and the household chores are simply never-ending. I am feeling a bit sheepish admitting this, but I have hardly spent any time on the farm these past few months.
I love feeding calves and even enjoy scrubbing down the parlour and sanitising equipment. Lately, visitors to the farm have commented on how soothing it is to help feed the calves. While these people are far removed from the stressful realities of farming, they are also correct: when the calves are feeding away, their tails happily wagging, you feel like everything is right in the world.
So, I have missed out on the farming this year, so far. That’s probably why my husband raised his eyebrows recently when I told him I’d be attending a women’s farm walk. While I could live with the raised eyebrows, his actual response sent me over the edge.
“Do you think they might teach you how to milk a cow on this farm walk?”
Now, he said it jokingly. But the words fell flat, and as soon they were out of his mouth, he knew he was in trouble. This was two weeks ago, and he’s since been… ahem… sent out to pasture.
I will never understand this notion of “you’re only a real farmer if you do x or y”. Who decides which farm jobs are most “farmer-worthy”? Unlike many farming women, I do not and have not milked our cows. I’m short and my face is the perfect height for kicking, but I wouldn’t even mind that bit. The actual reason I don’t milk the cows? No one has ever taken the time to teach me.
With my line of work (in my off-farm job), I learned very early on that if I am in charge of training a new employee and I don’t teach them exactly how to do something, it is my fault when they make a mistake. If you think someone should “just know” how to do something, you are assuming too much.
My husband still works very closely with his father, but he often complains that our children and myself don’t help out enough. First of all, this is not true. We stand in gaps, help during TB tests, feed calves and wrangle stray animals all the time… when we’re asked.
I don’t want the kids on the farm when I’m not there. It’s not that I don’t trust their father, but when he says he wants them to spend more time on the farm, I suspect he is telling a big, fat lie. He does not actually want their help. He wants to walk the fields in peace and put in his earbuds and listen to his favourite podcasts while he milks.
My husband still works very closely with his father, but he often complains that our children and myself don’t help out enough
So, when he makes comments like “you should learn how to milk the cows”, I do believe he wants me to know how to do it for those times when he can’t. But he also doesn’t want to disrupt his alone time to teach me.
You could say, “just go down there and insert yourself in the milking parlour” and while I take on that advice, I also feel like I’m not really wanted or needed down there. By “they”, I mostly mean my father-in-law. I love him, but I think he’d rather I stayed in making dinners than farming. He is technically retired, but he is still there every day. It’s his life’s work and I would rather let him enjoy his retirement than get in his way.
So farmers; please take note. If you want your partner to help you out on the farm, lose the snide comments and put your money where your mouth is. Train them up, especially if they don’t come from a farming background.
Just because I’m not milking cows five nights a week doesn’t mean I’m not contributing. I’m not just carting the children around – I am carting around the farm correspondence. I’m picking up essentials at the co-op. I am keeping everyone fed, clothed, clean and happy. I’m growing vegetables and planting trees. And I am doing other farm jobs on top of these. Do not assume I am “not farming”.
When my dear aul’ husband figures this out, he can come in from the calf shed.
Read more
Desperate Farmwife: how do we raise strong, resilient young men?
‘Over the years, I have unwittingly formed a girl gang in my own home'
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