Let’s talk about weddings. No, not mine! Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, or rather the long white dress.I’m delighted to share that two of my children are getting married next year. I’m so excited that I may be guilty of oversharing. I’ve been telling friends, family, my hairdresser, the cashier in SuperValu, the lifeguard at the pool – okay that last one isn’t true – but you get the idea. This sharing has led to some interesting conversations.
Let’s talk about weddings. No, not mine! Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, or rather the long white dress.
I’m delighted to share that two of my children are getting married next year. I’m so excited that I may be guilty of oversharing. I’ve been telling friends, family, my hairdresser, the cashier in SuperValu, the lifeguard at the pool – okay that last one isn’t true – but you get the idea. This sharing has led to some interesting conversations.
When a friend I haven’t seen for some time rang, I excitedly shared the good news. Her immediate response was: “so your diet starts today”. I really felt like replying, “actually the better response is: ‘that’s lovely’”.
Why do people feel it’s okay to imply that someone is too large and needs to lose weight? Not only is my size or whether I’m happy as I am not her business, but the weddings are not about me.
They are about four young people who are in love declaring that love in front of friends and family.
But this theme of personal comment continues. A colleague suggested I book a series of facials now. This very-expensive regime will apparently give me a non-surgical facelift. She may well think I need to lift bits of my face to look good but I’m happy in my skin. I have earned every line, wrinkle and age spot. They tell of a life lived.
My son and daughter have been looking at my face literally since the moment they were born. It’s the first face they saw in their lives and now as they start their next life as a married couple that same face will be there to celebrate.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I, like most people, like to dress up and feel good but this can be achieved with a gúna alainn, a nice blow dry and a bit of lippy.
She may well think I need to lift bits of my face to look good but I’m happy in my skin. I have earned every line, wrinkle and age spot.
There’s a whole industry built around how the mother of the bride/groom should look and wear.
Apparently, if I don’t get my outfits in a shop specialising in mother of the bride/groom, then it’s probably not the right outfit.
As it happens I’ll be wearing a sari for one wedding as my son’s fiancée is Sikh. Yards of embroidered fabric sounds just gorgeous and I look forward to embracing different traditions and clothes.
The other topic that comes up when I chat about weddings is the guest list. When I got married we discussed every guest with my parents who were paying for it. Nowadays, most couples pay for their own wedding so they invite people they know and love rather than their second cousin-twice removed.
It is their relationship to that person that matters, instead of whether they are related to me or their father, or because they were previously invited to their wedding.
I admit that it was a little difficult for me to get my head around – this change of tradition – when my eldest got married. In the end it was irrelevant as they got married during the pandemic with no guests, not even me and their siblings. I wouldn’t have cared if he had insulted half the village and every second cousin in the family if I could have been there.
A wedding day is about the love the couple have for each other and those who love them bearing witness. It’s up to them whether they get married at home or abroad, in a civil or religious ceremony and who they invite. The size of my dress, where I bought it, whether my face is suitably uplifted or not are minor details.
I’ll be so happy to see my son, who had a serious health scare just two years ago, well and happy as he marries the woman he loves. I’ll be the proudest mam in the world walking my beautiful daughter up the aisle to the man she loves.
Missing but in our hearts will be John, the man I loved and married. He would be so proud of the adults they have grown into. He would, however, probably have made a very inappropriate speech and danced like an eejit all night.
Weddings are all about love. Love for those present and those absent but always with us.
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