I’ve been happily married to my husband for over a decade, but lately his attitude toward the division of labour at home is pushing me to my limits.It’s driving me scatty and making me very unhappy.

We have three children, who are all in primary school and I work part-time, three days a week. He is farming, also part-time, and works remotely in IT, which makes the juggling of childcare a lot more manageable.

The thing is, on the rare occasions he hangs out a wash or empties the dishwasher, he tells me he did it ‘for me’. I used to think he only said it to wind me up, which it does like nobody’s business, but the more I’m hearing it I actually think he believes what he’s saying. That he’s helping me out by doing one or two of the endless domestic jobs that have to be done, day in day out.

I blew up at him last weekend and he asked me if I was on my period. It was all I could do not to slap him. How can I convince him that our successful partnership in marriage and parenting has to extend to the running of the house and that him doing his fair share is for everyone – not just me?

A seriously frustrated Sligo reader

Dear reader,

Your frustration leapt off the screen when I read your email and I get the sense that you are struggling with the never-ending hamster wheel that is life at the stage you and your husband are at.

You say your marriage is a success and it sounds like you are on the same page when it comes to parenting your young children. So my advice is one which I regularly offer on this page and that’s a good old fashioned, heart to heart with your husband. Choosing the right time to have this chat is crucial, as is the language used and the approach you take. To go on the attack will get you nowhere.

I always think topics such as this are best broached in a neutral setting so now that we’re in the first flush of summer, a walk in the evening sunshine might be an option. I would also caution against taking this stroll on your own land. He may well find excuses to dash off to do a job, so if you have any woodland trails or public parks nearby head there.

Choosing the right time to have this chat is crucial, as is the language used and the approach you take

You need to be calm and reasoned in your approach. You have every right to seek his support in running the house, given that you both work, but in the first instance I’d seek to change his way of thinking. He’s not doing you a favour, hanging out his children’s clothes for instance. Nor is he completing a gargantuan task by putting a load of clean dishes back in the press.

He may well counter with the fact he has farm work on his plate as well as his day job so if that is his approach you need to agree what he can factor into his schedule, and assign tasks to him that he is responsible for.

A rota on the fridge could be a visual trigger to remind him of his role in managing the family load. Patience and perseverance should prevail.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie