'Love is finding happiness in the simplest moments'

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. It’s a time for big gestures to show one’s love. Big gestures are of course lovely. Who doesn’t like being wined and dined and receiving flowers or gifts?

But I think it’s also good to remember the words of Elizabeth Barrett Browning: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways”.

There are so many small ways we show each other love.

Holding hands is a loving act. As a teenager, I used to visit my grandparents, then in their late 70s. In the evening after dinner, Granny would come into the living room and sit in the armchair beside Grandad. Without skipping a beat, he used to put his hand over hers and that’s how they would sit watching TV for the evening. My teenage heart thought this was both romantic but also a little ugh. I mean they were old!

Years later I visited my aunt and uncle, then in their 80s, who had moved into a supported living complex. My aunt had dementia and didn’t always know who I was. But I remember when they left to return to the memory unit, her hand went out to him and I watched them walk down the corridor holding hands. This time I thought it was lovely and felt privileged to witness the love they shared.

If the way to a man’s (or woman’s) heart is through their stomach then cooking their favourite meal is a loving thing to do. Whether he loves your steak and chips or she loves your chicken Kiev, going to the trouble of preparing their favourite meal, particularly if it’s not your favourite, is wanting them to be happy. That’s at the core of loving someone. Add a few candles and you have a quiet romantic night at home on 14 February.

And it doesn’t even have to be a full meal. If your partner loves very spicy food but everyone else has milder tastes, keeping a portion of chilli aside to add extra heat shows you know him and love him. Ordering pizza with her favourite toppings, yes even pineapple, shows we care even if we think it’s vile.

It doesn’t even have to be food. Making me a hot strong cup of tea is the way to my heart. If you bring it to me first thing in the morning before I get up, I might even marry you.

If the way to a man’s (or woman’s) heart is through their stomach then cooking their favourite meal is a loving thing to do

Love is finding happiness in the simplest moments.

It’s turning up the radio when her favourite song comes on and dancing around the kitchen. It’s sharing a joke and laughing together at reruns of comedy programmes. It’s saying nothing when Coronation Street or football is on the telly.

It’s going for a spin on a Sunday, chatting about everything and nothing but also being comfortable in the companionship of silence. It’s stopping along the way because you’ve spotted a beach to walk on or a cute coffee shop.

When you achieve something it’s the people you love you want to share it with. When you’ve finally got your head and fingers around the complexities of knitting and finished a hat, seeing him put it on with pride as he goes herding is a lovely feeling. If you run marathons or perform on stage, despite the hundreds there, it’s the person who loves you that you want to be with at the end of the event.

Love letters may be a thing of the past but you could leave a random love note in her book, or a sticky note on the steering wheel of his car. A random text in the middle of the day that says “thinking about you, love you” will gladden any heart.

Saying 'I love you' might sound obvious but can often be forgotten in the rush of life. A work colleague of my late husband told me she never once heard him finish a call to me without saying 'I love you'.  

To know me is to love me and knowing what makes someone happy is at the core of love. It’s about the little things and the big things. It’s an action as much as a feeling. It’s something we all should nurture daily through kindness, respect, and commitment. To be loved is the greatest gift.