Dear Miriam: how do I convince my partner to move back to the countryside?

I’m a culchie at heart and ache for the countryside despite leaving years ago when I first got together with my partner. It made sense to go to his homeplace initially, because he was left a property in Dublin when his parents died and we were in the lucky position of only having to take out a small loan to bring it up to scratch.

Now, that has been paid off, I have tentatively brought up the idea of moving back to the countryside, something I’ve always wanted. While I’ve enjoyed city life, I really miss the space, the quietness, the neighbourliness of a rural area and the ‘good life’ of nature all around.

Plus, my parents are getting older and none of my siblings are around them. Our twins will be starting secondary school next year so I think it is the perfect time to make the move.

But how do I convince my partner to at least consider this idea? He brushes it off, saying moving to ‘the sticks’ is the end of his regular music gigs, his friends nearby or work progression.

- Country gal

Dear reader,

Thank you for getting in touch. You sound like a person who remains very connected to your rural roots, and it’s lovely that you want to be closer to your parents as they get older.

However, you need to remember that your partner does not share this background, and consider that he has concerns about a more rural life. Communication and compromise is key here to coming to an agreement that suits everyone, including your children.

Firstly, I’d suggest sitting down and having a really honest and open chat in relation to where you see your lives going in the years ahead as the children grow up and inevitably leave for college, work etc after school.

You need to listen to his worries but he also needs to acknowledge your hopes for the future too Hopefully, you will be able to come up with agreement that everyone is happy with.

Some people love the peace and tranquility that rural living offers, while others are more attracted to the hustle and bustle of urban areas.

However, you might find that the country life may be more palatable to your partner as his working life ends and retirement comes closer. You also need to remind him that he doesn’t have to give up culture or music if you move to the country as most towns have good arts centres, groups and venues that he’d enjoy.

There are also great advantages to going rural or more rural, perhaps a medium-sized town near your home might satisfy both of you, in that you’re closer to the countryside but with more amenities and services on your doorstep.

Would your partner be open to trialling that idea? You can remind him that he is not leaving Dublin behind and there is nothing stopping him going back regularly to see friends or to go to events.

I hope you come up with a solution that keeps everyone happy.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie