I have a problem most people wouldn’t consider a hardship but here it goes anyway; I’m under growing pressure to visit my ailing aunt who lives in the Canaries, and who wants me to stay with her for a month.

I can’t say I wouldn’t enjoy a break for a few weeks but this lady, who is in her 90s, has never been the easiest to get on with. She left Ireland over 30 years ago and while she used to come home to visit, her declining health means she’s not as able for travel.

The other problem is she is estranged from her own daughter and the last thing I want to do is get caught up in family strife that has nothing to do with me.

But she’s becoming very insistent, offering to buy flights and says she can have her friend collect me from the airport. I don’t know what to do, accept a free holiday knowing there may be strings attached, or politely decline what – on the surface at least – seems a lovely offer?

My husband thinks I should steer clear, as he says it could look like I’m only going over so I will be included in her will. I agree it might look bad but then I think she’s an old lady who is probably lonely and would benefit from seeing a familiar face for a few weeks.

What do you think Miriam? Should I go or am I better off staying at home?

A Limerick reader

Dear reader,

You really are caught between the devil and the deep blue sea on this one, aren’t you? Family estrangement is making what should be a relatively easy decision far more complicated than it should be, but you are right to be cautious about accepting your aunt’s offer.

Your letter doesn’t mention whether or not you and her daughter are in contact. If you are, it might be an idea to run the invitation past her to gauge her reaction to the idea. If not, then it’s probably best not to factor her into the decision you make.

Your husband makes a valid point, but it really comes down to how much value you attach to the opinions of others. If you decide to go and you’re confident your decision has no ulterior motive other than to help an elderly lady in need, then you can fly out with a clear conscience.

Family estrangement is making what should be a relatively easy decision far more complicated than it should be, but you are right to be cautious about accepting your aunt’s offer.

I would strongly urge you to have a conversation with your aunt in advance, making sure she understands you only have a certain amount of time you can spend there with her.

That way if things are difficult when you get there, you have a departure date to work towards.

If however, you believe that you’re wading into a situation that could be difficult to extract yourself from, or cause further strife on your return, then you should probably turn your aunt’s invitation down.

Reader writes

Dear Miriam,

Just reading your letter in the Farmers Journal from 3 May, ‘My in-law’s cash gift makes me uneasy and I want to clear the air’, and I can’t help but to voice my opinion on Munster reader’s letter.

He seems very ungrateful to receive such a gift. Perhaps he could just look at page 12 in the same paper and see the young man in his therapeutic chair and thank God he is healthy and has no disability.

Mary from Leinster

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie