I am at my wits’ end as my husband refuses to make any plans for our retirement or the future of our farm. I retired from my job as a school principal last December and I knew not to push my husband on the subject of handing the reins of the farm over to our nephew. Six months on though and any time I try to raise the subject I am told ‘not yet’.

The thing is, a very good friend of ours, who is the same age as my husband, has recently suffered a stroke. Things are up in the air in terms of his farm, which he can no longer work.

My husband has been very upset about what happened to our friend, but he is convinced the same won’t happen to him – which is ridiculous.

I have asked our daughters to try to make him see sense, but any effort they’ve made has fallen on deaf ears. Can you offer any advice as to how I can convince my husband that we need to put our affairs in order while we are hale and hearty?

— A Mayo reader

Dear reader,

First of all, congratulations on your retirement and I hope this new chapter in your life is one you are enjoying.

It can be very frustrating when our other halves don’t see things the way we do, particularly so when it comes to a shared future and planning for all eventualities. I have come across this issue many times, where farmers think they’re invincible and have no need for future planning.

But what you are trying to get your husband to do makes an awful lot of sense. The farming community is particularly affected by the issue of succession and the lack of a plan can cause turmoil in families following the death of a farmer. The incapacitation of a farmer, such as that which has happened your friend can cause havoc if a plan outlining the wishes of the farmer have not be set out and protected in advance.

The Decision Support Service (DSS), is a body set up to support people make such arrangements, through an enduring power of attorney, or EPA. You can do this yourself, online, with plenty of support from DSS staff, whereby you outline your wishes relating to personal welfare, property and finance, and you nominate someone as an attorney to carry out your wishes, in the event you lost capacity to make decisions for yourself.

The farming community is particularly affected by the issue of succession and the lack of a plan can cause turmoil in families following the death of a farmer.

There is a piece about it on page 10 of this publication. I would also suggest you go on to the DSS website – decisionsupportservice.ie – where you will find more information on the process. Then present this to your husband as something you both must do.

Perhaps arrange a family dinner with your daughters where you could all help him to see the advantages of forward planning without diminishing his desire to continue farming, which he will probably want to do regardless.

I know you’re trying and having a calm and considered conversation, where you can convince him that putting his affairs in order is a sensible decision – but not one that signals the end of his working farm life – then he may start to come around.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie