Last weekend was an absolute roller coaster of emotions for me. Sunday was Mother’s Day and Philip had arranged that we’d go out to lunch to celebrate the moms – my daughter, Julie, my daughters-in-law Elaine and Aileen, and myself.There were no flowers or cards to be purchased this year for Lil, Tim’s mum, who died last May. That was a sadness for us. Mother’s Day encompasses all sorts of emotions. It is important to focus on the joyful moments when we can.
Last weekend was an absolute roller coaster of emotions for me. Sunday was Mother’s Day and Philip had arranged that we’d go out to lunch to celebrate the moms – my daughter, Julie, my daughters-in-law Elaine and Aileen, and myself.
There were no flowers or cards to be purchased this year for Lil, Tim’s mum, who died last May. That was a sadness for us. Mother’s Day encompasses all sorts of emotions. It is important to focus on the joyful moments when we can.
The emotional journey started on Friday morning. I had a batch of brown scones in the oven as we had a group coming on a farm visit. I was on a time clock.
The radio was on and Oliver Callan started to talk to Darragh McCullough who many will know from Ear to the Ground and who back in the day wrote the column on this page. Darragh was trying to get home from Cyprus with his wife Aoife and their baby daughter, Grace. She had been born with the assistance of a surrogate mother. Darragh described the years where childbirth eluded them. He and Aoife tried everything to have a baby, including IVF.
Heartache and joy
There was heartache and disappointment until they decided upon the surrogacy route. That was difficult too requiring travel, legal engagement at many levels and a lot of tension while the couple dared to hope for a little baby of their own. I listened intently, soaking up Darragh’s joy.
The oven beeped, the scones needed another couple of minutes. Darragh talked about holding Grace in his arms but the thing that made him emotional was the day that he and Aoife took her out in the pram. It was such an ordinary thing to do and they had wanted it for their 16 years of marriage. Darragh’s voiced faltered with emotion. I felt the tears spill too.
Then the smell of burning reached my nose. Oh no, the scones were burnt. I had forgotten to reset the timer. Panic in the name of baby Grace.
On Saturday, I spent two glorious hours with my two-month old granddaughter, Katie while she smiled and gurgled and wrapped her little fingers around mine. I am in the zone and can imagine the joy Grace is bringing to her parents.
As Mother’s Day dawned, there was one new mother I wanted to celebrate and that was Aoife Slacke. What mothering joy lies ahead for her.
I love the concept of a social story. It is used to help children understand all sorts of situations and can be magical. Aoife will know this from her teaching career. I’ve been crafting one in my head for Grace all weekend.
The one Aoife will write for Grace will be amazing about aeroplanes, sunshine, Cyprus and taking her out in the pram and then bringing her home to Ireland to the family and farm.
The story of Grace embraces our humanity in a special way. It will help a lot of families navigating fertility difficulties. My friends and I often talk about how easy it was to get pregnant in the 70s and 80s. But of course, there were couples that struggled too.
They did not have the science that is available today, and often it was not talked about.
Safe home
There is no doubt that things have changed. There are many theories but now is not the time. My advice for those hoping for a child is to lean on friends and families and allow them to lighten your emotional load. You may think you are alone but you are not.
We had a lovely get-together on Sunday while Katie slept, and Ricky who is five, wished she’d wake up. Cherish the beautiful moments together and safe home to Ireland for the McCullough family.
SHARING OPTIONS