I am so ashamed of the problem I am asking for help with, but I can’t admit this to anyone as it makes me sound like the worst mother in the world.

My eldest son emigrated to Australia just over a year ago and has already built himself a wonderful life where he has a good job and a nice group of friends. It broke my heart when he left but I knew that it was the right decision for him so I took huge comfort in seeing him settle and be as happy as he is.

I have three other sons at home, who keep me busy and whom I love very much. But now the eldest lad wants me and his father to go over to visit him. We can just about afford the airfare and I have a very good sister who will move in to mind the younger lads while we’re away. We have a brilliant neighbour who has offered to oversee the farm while we’re gone, so the practicalities are all taken care of. The problem is I’m terrified of making that journey when I can barely cope with a three-hour flight to Spain.

My family know I’m a bit jittery on a plane but I’ve not confided in anyone how petrified I am at the thoughts of a flight to the other side of the world. We haven’t booked anything yet but my son is so excited at the prospect of our visit I haven’t the heart to tell him I don’t want to go.

Am I an awful mother? I would be so much happier if he could come home for a visit instead. I’d happily pay his airfare, but he wants us to see the life he’s made for himself, so I don’t want to ruin that for him.

A nervous flyer,

Tipperary

Dear reader,

You poor thing. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. I can tell from your letter how desperately you miss your first-born son, but the fear of a flight of that distance and length of time is also palpable.

If time allows you could also look into hypnotherapy to help you through your fear of flying, which would make future long-distance trips less of an ordeal for you

First of all, you are not the worst mother in the world. It’s clear how much you miss your son and how dearly you want to be reunited with him. I think you need to confide in someone how you really feel about this trip. Your husband or maybe your sister, whomever you think will offer support instead of judgement.

I would also speak to your doctor who may be able to prescribe a mild sedative that you could take to ease your discomfort in the air. These aren’t always effective however, so it might be an idea to go online and learn some relaxation techniques in advance of your departure, if you do go through with the trip.

If time allows you could also look into hypnotherapy to help you through your fear of flying, which would make future long-distance trips less of an ordeal for you.

There is no shame, however, if you decide to stay put. You will have to explain the situation as best you can to your son, and hopefully, he will understand. The offer of paying for his flight home will soften any disappointment and will give him the chance to reunite with his brothers and wider family.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie