My parents are in a very bad place at the minute and I’m terrified they’ll end up separating. I’m the youngest of four children, the only one still living at home and I am very lucky to have a great relationship with both Mam and Dad.

The problems they’re having have come out of nowhere, and I’m not sure I know the true extent of it, but it seems Dad has been gambling, and it’s only come to light now because he wants to sell farm machinery to pay off debts.

The problem is, the farm is Mam’s and while Dad has worked the land for the past 30 years alongside my late grandfather – Mam’s father – she is furious that she has to sell assets to clear debts that aren’t hers.

She is also not convinced this will be the end of it and her reluctance to agree to the sale of the machinery is leading to constant rows and threats by Dad to leave her.

I have tried to support them both, I was very upset when I heard the mess Dad had got us into, but I think Mam is being a bit harsh not supporting him in his hour of need. I haven’t confided in my siblings as I don’t want to worry them too, but it’s all becoming very hard to cope with on my own.

I have great friends, and I work full-time in a primary school half an hour from home, so I’m sure I’m not even exposed to the worst of it, but it is still a very big burden and I need advice.

A Wicklow teacher

Dear reader,

I’m sorry the problems your parents are experiencing in their marriage is taking such a heavy toll on you.

Adult children living with their parents is not an easy situation for anyone involved, but when there are tensions in relationships it affects the whole dynamic of the house.

You should speak with your siblings to see if there is any constructive help they can bring to the situation.

Gambling addiction is a huge problem for families up and down the country, and if your mother is right in her fear that once this debt is cleared another will surface, then your Dad may need professional help to overcome this problem.

Gamblers Anonymous Ireland is a support group service offering free meetings and resources for people with a gambling problem. They hold meetings across the country every day of the week and you can look up their website to find a meeting that might suit your Dad at gamblersanonymous.ie.

You have no control in relation to whether your parents decide to stay together or separate. Nor do you have to take sides.

All you can do is offer support to them both as they navigate what is clearly a very stressful time for everyone.

Reader writes

Dear Miriam,

In response to the Midlands reader asking ‘How can I convince my daughter she should finish her degree?’ (10 May), it may be useful for the parent and daughter to know that deferral or an early exit award, such as a diploma, may be possible.

There are often other options besides continuing or leaving the course. A query to the college (registry/students’ services/course leader) would help establish if a deferral or an early exit award is possible.

Sincerely, Kerry reader.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie