Dear Miriam,

We are a non-farming family and have three daughters, the eldest of whom has finished college with the second in her final year. The problem is with the youngest, who is 20 and in her second year of a business degree.

Over the past two years, she and a college friend have been working with a silage contractor. I never liked her doing this work, but we had to settle for it. This college friend seems to be very influential over my daughter and has led her into a few bad habits such as smoking, and the like.

The real crisis came two weeks ago however, when my daughter announced she was giving up college and didn’t want to do her exams this year.

We have thankfully managed to talk her into doing the exams at least, but I fear getting her to go back to college in the autumn will be a major problem. She tells us that she loves the contracting work and that there is plenty of it around our area.

I have no issue with the work itself but I feel she will live to regret not getting her degree. I would love if you or any parents out there could give me some perspective on this situation as it is proving a big burden for us at this time.

­– A Midlands reader

She may never use her degree if she is adamant that contracting is the road she wants to travel, but she won’t have the option if she doesn’t complete her studies

Dear reader,

A mother’s love and concern for her children knows no bounds and I can feel the worry in your letter as you fret for your daughter’s future. The fact your two eldest girls have gone to third level does not mean this is the right road for your youngest child, however, having two years almost completed of her degree means it is safe to assume she is half way to graduating, subject to her passing her exams.

While her love of contracting work is strong now, while she is young, fit and healthy, the physical nature of the job may not be as conducive when she’s in middle age.

You could point out to her that in finishing her business degree she would have the skills to set up her own contracting business, where she would also have the hands-on experience to give her the edge.

I would also highlight the investment she’s already made in terms of the two years she has studied, and how it would be a shame to let that go to waste.

She may never use her degree if she is adamant that contracting is the road she wants to travel, but she won’t have the option if she doesn’t complete her studies.

Try to resist any urge to compare her to her older sisters as they are no doubt very different young women with their own individual ambitions. I would also refrain from criticising her friend, despite your concerns over how much influence she holds. To do so may make your daughter even more determined to abandon her studies for whatever lifestyle she and her friend have decided is more attractive right now. The lure of whatever money she is making at the moment through silage work will be a strong factor in convincing herself she doesn’t need to see out her degree.

I hope the summer gives you all some breathing space from this burden and that your daughter makes the right decision for her in terms of her future path.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie