Dear Miriam,

I am going back to work in the coming weeks after maternity leave and I’ve ended up in a bit of a bind over childcare.

The thing is, my sister-in-law has offered to mind my baby for free and my mother-in-law thinks it’s a great idea as it would save us loads of money.

The problem is, we have very different parenting styles and I wouldn’t be comfortable with her minding my baby.

How do I get out of this mess without insulting my in-laws?

Stressed Galway Mammy

Dear reader,

You must be experiencing a lot of emotions right now as you prepare to return to work with a baby in the house.

It’s a stressful time for many mothers as they emerge from the bubble of maternity leave, which can be hard to leave behind. The issue of childcare is a vexed one for a lot of parents and even when the offer is there, free and local, it can stir up all sorts of concerns.

You and your husband need to sit down together in the first instance and come up with a reason why you aren’t going to accept what on paper appears to be a kind, generous offer. Parenting styles are very individual and for new parents, a lot of it is trial and error.

You should be respectful of your sister-in-law’s approach to parenting even if you don’t agree with it as there is a wider dynamic to this that, as you point out, you don’t want to insult her as you politely decline her offer.

Parenting styles are very individual and for new parents, a lot of it is trial and error

You haven’t stated in your letter whether or not you have arranged alternative childcare, but with your return to work imminent, I am assuming this to be the case.

Perhaps you could explain that you’re already committed to a childcare provider who you don’t want to let down, and that maybe you could keep her lovely offer in reserve to see how your baby gets on with the creché/childminder you have chosen?

So long as you are open and respectful in your conversation with your sister-in-law, there is no need for this to become an issue. She may not understand your choice to spend money on something that she’s offering to do for free, but hopefully, she will respect your decision.

Once you acknowledge the generosity of her offer and ensure she knows how much you appreciate it, then you will have done your best to respectfully decline it and move forward without any lingering ill feelings.

Your mother-in-law is entitled to her opinion but not to the point where her views have to be taken on board. This is your baby and your family and the decisions affecting both are yours and your husband’s to make.

Best of luck with your return to work and I sincerely hope you all settle into your new routine.

Dear Miriam,

I enjoy reading your problems weekly. Regarding a reader’s query where a mother was concerned about her daughter wanting to train as a hairdresser instead of going to college, my advice, being in my golden years, is that a call to teaching was gold dust back when I did my Leaving Cert, 42 years ago.

Three girls in my class turned down the offer of teaching, the lure of money and jobs proving too great and now the three regret their choice. To study later is not easy.

I was surprised you said the young lady knows herself best. I don’t agree. Youth is youth and a kindly word of advice from a caring person is never wasted. I’m hoping that lady’s daughter has had a re-think. Education and college is never a load.

Limerick reader