Dear Miriam,

I am at my wits’ end with my elderly father and I am hoping you can give me some advice.

Dad is 93 and is in great shape for a man of his years, with an independent streak that shows no sign of waning.

The highlight of his week is his night in the local pub every Friday night where he has three pints and is ready for home. The problem is he insists on driving and won’t hear of getting a taxi instead.

Every time I try to explain the risk he’s running with drink driving he shuts the conversation down.

We’re concerned already at his ability to drive in general, never mind with three pints in him, and every time I go home the car is showing another dinge or broken light. Again, any attempt to talk to him about my concerns are not entertained in the slightest with him telling me lately that he may as well be dead if he can’t drive his car.

I love the fact he has the social outlet of the local pub but I need to find a way of getting him safely to and from it, without running the risk of him hurting himself or anyone else when he’s driving home over the limit.

Any help would be appreciated.

Mary, Munster.

Dear Mary,

Concern for elderly parents is a real and troubling part of life, especially for adult children who find themselves in a role reversal where they are the ones with safety concerns.

For a man of his years, it is wonderful that your Dad wants to get out to meet people in the local pub, but your concerns as to how he gets to and from the venue are valid.

It seems previous attempts to convince him of alternative forms of transport have failed so maybe you could approach the publican and see if there’s a community bus shuttle available where your Dad would be one of many customers getting a lift home at the end of the night?

Hopefully, the doctor can convey the fact that it is not only his safety at risk when he drives under the influence and your dad will consider alternative transport

Or would it be possible for a neighbour to collect him from the pub and drop him back in to collect his car the following morning? Maybe this is something you or any siblings could take on.

The other options you have involve contacting your father’s GP if you have concerns over his driving competency in general.

Anyone over the age of 75 requires a certification of fitness to drive from their doctor to hold a drivers licence so it would be worth checking your father’s license to see when it is due for renewal.

Hopefully, the doctor can convey the fact that it is not only his safety at risk when he drives under the influence and your dad will consider alternative transport for his weekly night out.

The bottom line here however, is that your father is breaking the law every time he decides to drive his car when he has consumed alcohol. It would be worth contacting your local Garda station to see if there’s a community garda who would be willing to speak with your dad.

If he hears the stark reality of the consequences of his actions where he could potentially hurt himself or others by his decisions, then it may force a rethink of his behaviour.

I hope this is of some help to you and I wish you and your father the very best as you try to find a solution to this issue.