I don’t know how to help my young nephews who are struggling since their parents split up earlier this year, and I’m hoping you can offer some help.

My sister found the strength to leave her unhappy marriage in January and she moved back into our parents’ home with her two young boys. This meant leaving the family farm to go into town, which is a huge change for them after being in a rural home since they were born. The eldest lad has just finished first year in secondary school and his younger brother is 10, so they’re still too young to be left on their own around the yard.

My sister works full-time and doesn’t want to spend any more time with her ex than is necessary. Our mam is very good, keeping an eye on the lads during the summer holidays and bringing them up to the farm when they ask and when it suits their father to have them.

They both love farming and all they want is to be up with the animals and out on the land, but they are torn between being there and betraying their mam who they love.

It’s still all very raw but I want to encourage my sister to bring the boys to a counsellor so that they can process all the upheaval they’ve gone through in the past few months. But I’m afraid of upsetting her by sticking my nose where it isn’t wanted.

I just hate seeing these children struggle, especially when they are away from all they know. It was the right decision in the long-term, of that I have no doubt, but how do I help and support them through these hard months when they are all adjusting to a new normal?

Worried aunt,

Co Mayo

Children are very resilient and so long as they know they are loved by both parents, they will adapt to their new circumstances quicker than the adults will manage to do

Dear reader,

The breakdown of a marriage is a hugely traumatic experience for everyone, especially where children are involved. You are clearly upset by the effect this is having on your nephews, but I would urge caution when it comes to offering advice to your sister so soon after the separation.

Children are very resilient and so long as they know they are loved by both parents, they will adapt to their new circumstances quicker than the adults will manage to do.

They are very lucky that their granny is so hands-on, and these relationships, along with the one they have with you, will be very important in the months and years ahead.

Maybe a first step would be to ask how your sister herself is coping with her new normal. Moving back in with her parents after having her own home, and raising her boys in the midst of her own trauma, will be a heavy load to carry. Add to that the demands of a full-time job and the fallout of the breakdown of her marriage, and I’m sure she herself could do with some counselling.

If you do decide you need to speak about the effect this is having on the children, tread very carefully. You need to ensure your sister knows your concern is genuine and not a criticism of her parenting or the decision she has made for her family. She needs to know you have her back – now more than ever – as she embarks on a new life path with her precious sons.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie