Dear Miriam,

I’m hoping you can help me with some advice on how to get my father, who is in his late 70s, to become more sociable.

My mother went into a nursing home two years ago as we were unable to care for her at home and since then, my father has kept to himself. He became really comfortable staying at home during Covid and apart from visiting the odd friend or neighbour, he is very much isolated and alone.

He won’t consider attending any day centres as he thinks he isn’t old enough for that sort of thing and his dinners are delivered to the front door so he doesn’t even have the chance to chat to the drivers who drop them off.

I am worried that he has nothing to do with his evenings and even though he won’t admit it, I know he is finding it tough.

Any suggestions you or your readers may have as to how I could encourage him to get out there a bit more would be greatly appreciated.

Concerned daughter,

Co Kilkenny

Dear reader,

It’s a very hard situation for couples where one has to move into residential care and the other remains alone in the family home.

Your dad sounds like he still wants to make the effort to meet people, keeping in touch with friends and neighbours, but if he regards himself too young for day centres, it is hard for a man of his age to socialise.

The pandemic robbed our elderly community of several valuable years and left many with a persistent fear that getting out and about again was a risk to their health.

If that is a concern, maybe you could convince your father to speak with his GP about COVID-19 vaccines or boosters to help him realise that socialising isn’t going to harm him.

The growth of the Irish Men’s Shed Association has offered a lifeline to elderly men and this could be something to look into for your father.

Another option would be to link in with your local social prescribing service, where people are connected to groups and activities that interest them

The sheds offer a range of interests and activities and are not the sole preserve of men who made their living from a trade. These include photography, gardening and more traditional crafts.

More importantly, they are a social hub for men of a certain age who don’t believe they need to talk to anyone, but end up sharing their concerns and struggles through activities with like-minded members of their community.

While the sheds run during the day this wouldn’t solve the evening isolation you are worried about, but it would open up a new network of friends.

Another option would be to link in with your local social prescribing service, where people are connected to groups and activities that interest them, in a bid to combat loneliness and isolation. These can range from gardening to active retirement clubs and everything in between.

Perhaps your father had an interest before your mother went into a nursing home, such as golf or playing cards. It can be hard to go back to something when you feel so much has changed but maybe you could reach out to some of his old friends to see if they could encourage him to get back involved.

I hope your father finds an interest in the coming weeks that will help occupy his time and that he makes some new friends to keep him company.